i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
