I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize