smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Randomize
