Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
