he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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