Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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