I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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