I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
