I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
