He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
