At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
