If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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