I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
