I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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