Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
