before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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