she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
