Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
