Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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