We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The Olympian is in my bed
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