His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
