mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
