I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
