I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
