She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
