I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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