I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize