Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
