On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
