First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
