I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want to walk on stilts...naked
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
