This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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