Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
