I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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