Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love you. Go after that dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
