She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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