I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
