Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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