I think I won the penis lottery.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who died my cat blue again?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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