ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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