This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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