my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
