dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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