how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
