you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
