you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
