the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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