highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His nipple licking is glorious
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