We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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