I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
