HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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