you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize