how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
