So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
