his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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