UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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