Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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