oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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