wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize