Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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