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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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