He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
