he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
