I'm gonna have a badass scar
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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