This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
