I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
