Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
