his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
