If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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