I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
