I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
