Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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