Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
