"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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