Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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