Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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