I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
