Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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