I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
