No awkward lesbian experiences without me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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