Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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