did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
