is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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