We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just blew my weed a kiss
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
