you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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