Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
