Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
