my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
