there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
