i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize