Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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