soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
