Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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