4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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