why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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