When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
